Hello. My name is Barney. I am a cool person. Let me tell you about my life. Well, here goes!
Every morning, Mom calls me downstairs.
“Yo, Barns! Barnsey, Warnsey, get down here, ya little freak!”
I do not listen.
“I am not going to school today!” I shout back, mad.
“Oh, yes you are!” she bellows.
She comes into my room, maaad! “GO TO SCHOOL!!!!!” she screams at the top of her stupid lungs.
“Make me!” I say back.
She screams real loud.
“Ha, ha! Mom, you are a mad dog!” I laugh.
I chuckle.
She turns poofy and red all over.
I guffaw.
She smokes at the ears.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!”
shouts my dear, sweet mother.
See how calm and beautiful she is? I love her black teeth and gray, lice filled hair. I also admire how her bones are starting to crumble and her face is falling off. See what I have to deal with?
